So as I stated in my previous post I want to get “Zombie Fit” and I feel for me the first step to this really is to get my head in check because I know that zombies + me = irrational & obsessive thoughts. Having previously found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) very useful I decided it was time to have a refresher on some the activities that help with rationally processing thoughts and handling anxiety. A quick online search lead me to a NHS CBT workbook.
Rather than printing out all 52 pages I read through most of on my phone and used my notebook to workthrough some of the activities. Normally I don’t bother writing things down and just work through them mentally but it was incredibly cathartic to take the time to sit, write and really get to the bottom of what it going on in my head. Perhaps not surprisingly it isn’t actually zombies I am afraid of. The issues are more deeply rooted in things that don’t need discussing here.
So how am i going to deal with them for now and progress? Well the workbook encourages setting a goal, and not just any one it needs to be a “SMART” goal, taking into account what you hope to gain, achieve and be different for yourself.
I want to gain a sense of control over the anxiety I feel by achieving an improved level of fitness. The difference this will make to myself is improved confidence in my ability to cope with situations that could prove physically challenging. Now to make that SMART
Specific – I want to establish a fitness routine
Measurable – I will do this by using Wii Fit, which has an activity log function. I iwll also use apps to track other fitness realted achievements such as healthy eating and steps taken.
Achievable – This is achieavablebecause I already own Wii Fit and a smart phone. It doesn’t require any initial expense and can be done at home.
Relevant – It’s all related to fitness
Time Limited – I will do this every day for a week.
There, that seems reasonable. It’s only a small step but that you have to start somewhere. I am not sure how often I will update with my progress, I am taking this a day/step at a time at the moment but it feels good to be doing something. I can already feel my tension headache easing.
Thanks to several FB friends and a weird dream I have started watching The Walking Dead. I know, I know the show has already been going for six years, I am super late to the party. So why have I put it off for so long? Well honestly, I am petrified of zombies. Well not zombies exactly, more I’m terrified of how well I’d cope in a apocalyptic scenario. I am unfit. So very unfit. And I have two young kids. I have zero survival skills and would probably die from an anxiety induced heart attack before anything else.
Because of this my husband is perplexed as to why I am watching the show *cough*DarylDixon*cough* I am only up to the start of season 2 but so far it is really, really good. Whilst the zombies, I mean walkers, are gross and gnarly the characters are great and the story gripping. I am prone to obsessive tendencies though and the last time I watched anything to do with zombies I was looking up survival kits, tents, emergency supplies, drawing up survival plans, having anxiety attacks, it was unhealthy and unpleasant and why I completely distanced myself from anything to do with it.
Just before starting the show I had a similar but smaller melt down over it and found myself obsessively researching fitness and exercise that’d be most effective for dealing with an apocalypse (which by the way seems to be High Intensity Interval Training) I dealt with it though (thanks CBT) and thought it had subsided as I was enjoying the show but this morning the unpleasant simmer of terror in the pit of my stomach is gurgling away and actually giving me quite a headache too.
However I am really enjoying the show and I don’t want to be ruled by this feeling so there is only one thing for it, I need to get zombie fit. It’s the fitness side that bothers me most and it’s actually a thing I can do something about. I can’t afford a gym (£48pm are you kidding me?) and I hate running so it’s going to be interesting how I achieve this but I feel achieving this is the only way to conquer the fear and feel in control. Being fit is a good thing in life generally and as I found online during my research not enough people are functionally fit.
So wish me luck and stay tuned as I update my progress and keep myself in check here.
For this week’s writing challenge I searched for “improve writing skills” instead because that’s what I’m really looking to do with this. Pretty much everything that came up was for kids. What wasn’t for kids was related to learning English as a foreign language. Despite English being my first language I chose to take one of those activities because it fits in nicely with something I did recently.
Wade W. Wilson is a strange sort of hitman with a wicked sense of humour who one day falls in love. His life is drastically changed though when a promise for help with his deteriorating health uncovers an unethical and illegal business empire. The result is his alter-ego Deadpool who is hell bent on revenge.
The positive reviews surrounding this film are what encouraged me to go and see it and I have to say I honestly believe it is worth every piece of praise it has received. Having never read any Deadpool comics, my knowledge and impression of him was very vague but right from the opening scene it was obvious that this was a work of art lovingly crafted by people committed to a vision. That’s not to say it’ll be to everyone’s taste. There was vulgarity, gore, sex, violence, comedy, romance and of course the breaking of the fourth wall/self awareness that is the comics trademark. Altogether though it made for a very clever and slick piece of cinema.
I would give Deadpool 5/5 and definitely think it’s worth seeing for the production value alone. However I wouldn’t recommend it to to anyone who is easily offended.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day in the UK and as well as having a lie in and not cooking tea, I was lucky enough to receive two beautiful home made cards
And a sparkly nail varnish I have been eyeing up for a while
Previous experience has taught me that it is not possible to paint my nails well whilst my children are about but, having run out of time yesterday I was so desperate to try out this varnish I chose to completely ignore this fact and have at it this morning anyway. I convinced myself that if I set my daughter an activity to do, painting my nails on the sly whilst she did it would be a breeze. It wasn’t. I knew it wouldn’t work, that there’d be mess, tears and frustration and that’s exactly what there was. So why did I do it? Why didn’t I at least wait until nap time?
Honestly I don’t know but I know what it is. Self trolling. You know, when you convince yourself something is a good, nay great, idea despite knowing (often through first hand experience) it’s really not. For example staying up ridiculously late prior to an early morning is, eating that third helping when you’re already full or going online before catching up with the latest episode of a tv show.
I’m convinced that we just like to mess with ourselves to see how stupid and gullible we can be. Why else would we be so amazed as to why do such things? Which is why I also like to think it is a default behaviour that has existed since the dawn of man that no amount of evolutionary development will be able to reprogram.